The personal is the spiritual

I've been wrestling with this for months now. Most of my life I've had this feeling that it's somehow wrong to just do things purely for me, I should somehow be of service. Lately, however, I started to feel very differently. It became clear to me that being "spiritual" just meant giving out a lot and getting very little back. I turned my back on the "spiritual" and set out to make some money on the internet in purely capitalistic fashion... feeling damned rebellious and expecting the hand of God to grab me by the scruff of the neck and drag me kicking and screaming away from my hopes and dreams. (Yes, I know all that Freudian stuff about God and father figures... don't analyze me!) It was a hard time. I spent hours every day on the internet, working away at promoting my online affiliate businesses and learning, learning, learning. These were desperate times, as I knew my income was not covering expenses, and here I was putting all my energy into this unknown area. Sometimes there was no money for fuel for the car, we ate very cheap food, and I drove out into the bush every day to pick up sticks for the fire.

So what happened? Months and weeks later I'm still here. The online businesses are at last attracting some downline, and I've got support from an unexpected source which will keep me afloat while my businesses grow.

What did I learn? Mainly, that I am ok. My world did not fall apart, though we seemed to skate perilously close to the edge. I've lost weight, and lost my dependence on food as an emotional support. And I've found what a great feeling it is to pursue one's passion, despite everything...

Time for a new beginning...

This blog has it's roots in my website, The New Energy Journey. I have so many trains of thought, and I want to be able to put them together coherently... it's too much for a website.

My new energy journey began consciously in May 2000, when I connected with the Crimson Circle. My history up to that point included self-liberation from the shackles of fundamentalist Christianity, and a journey through many aspects of the new-age movement. At each step I felt that I was heading in the right direction, but at no time did I feel that I had reached my destination. When I read my first article channeled by Geoffrey Hoppe from the entity Tobias, I knew that I had come home.

The journey since then has been one of true self-discovery, of learning trust in Self, letting go of victimhood, knowing more and more clearly that I AM the Creator of my life. This work, this process, has pushed me to the edge of my endurance more than once, but there is a rightness about it which keeps me going.

Now, as I take my eyes off my own journey, I find that we are on the verge of 2012, and the world is changing before our eyes. The veil between this world and other realities is thinning. Our planet is requiring our conscious participation in her care, and we are taking up the challenge. Women are being empowered as more of the feminine energy is allowed and expressed by males and females. New leaders are being chosen, and they are finding new solutions to old problems. This experience is the culmination of hundreds of thousands of years of human experience and history. We have collectively been through it all. What will we choose to create for ourselves now?